Blogmas - day 1

So can I blog every day leading up to Christmas? It's not beyond the realm of possibility, but given that I'm starting this post at 10 past 11pm on the 1st of December.... er.....

Well, I've had a lovely day today. My wonderful mother has been over for the weekend so we had sausages and Glüvein on Friday evening at the German market. Mmmm.... Sausages....

When we got home on the Friday we got more Glüvein from lidl, and my lovely Hugsand set off the rest of the fireworks we had leftover from Bonfire night while mum and I played with sparklers.

On Saturday, the lovely Hugsand had to work so mum and I walked the 5.6 miles into town, then rewarded ourselves with another sausage and more Glüvein. EMmmm.... Sausages....

Then we came home and I made southern fried chicken with corn, cabbage, mash and milk gravy.

Finally today I had a lovely bath, we went for another walk, about 3 miles this time, then we got home, had roast pork and the first mince pies of the season! I made mincemeat last time mum was here about 5 weeks ago and we had to try it out so I made 8, 4 with the new mincemeat and 4 with last year's. Last year's was so much better! It was all mature and that. Home made pastry too, mmm..... pastry....

We got the decorations out, well the lovely Hugsand risked life and limb by climbing on a stool on top of a chair to get into the loft, but now all the festive things are down and we can start sparklifying the house! 

I should have pictures to show of all of this, but I had to put all my pictures on the laptop as I ran out of storage on my phone and I'm blogging in bed while the laptop's downstairs and the alarm's set. Maybe I'll see if I can edit them in tomorrow. 

Oh well, either way, the lovely and I are trying to do vlogmas for shits and giggles this month so I'll pop a link on this post once we finally get day one edited and uploaded! Yay us!

How did your December begin? Was it super festive or are you not feeling the cheer yet?

Love and kisses, H.

Selfies helped me discover my face

This is a post I've been meaning to write for a while, then it all kicked off about selfies this week when Jezebel published this 

http://jezebel.com/selfies-arent-empowering-theyre-a-cry-for-help-1468965365

First I should admit that I have sometimes enjoyed Jezebel articles. I know they're often problematic to say the least, but I have to take what I can get sometimes.

I initially thought the headline must be a joke on how people hate young women for posting selfies. Turns out it wasn't. Although it's ostensibly 'caring' about how young women view themselves, it's actually judging that this method of self expression (where the image is in fact controlled by the woman in it) is not valid and is in fact submitting to the patriarchy's view that women should be judged on looks alone.

Bollocks. 

In my opinion, this view basically tells women off for showing off. That sounds a little like 'be modest' 'you won't be respected if you flaunt yourself' and similar tripe.

My personal take on selfies is pretty uncomplicated. I'm fat. Like, really fat. I'm ok with it, so are my family and friends, so that's that. It does make it difficult to like the way I look though as the message throughout our culture is that not only is my body unacceptable, but it's my fault, I should feel guilty about it and people are allowed to express an opinion about it as they're 'worried about my health'. As a result I avoided mirrors where possible and maintained a false image of myself (not thinner, but what I thought was prettier) that I could live with. I found it impossible to believe that my husband could find me attractive if the mirror was accurate.

So when I got an iphone and could easily take pictures of my face without anyone else seeing them, of course I did! It was a shock at first finding out the real shape of my nose, how uneven my eyes are etc etc. so as someone with unhealthily low self esteem I took hundreds of pictures and videos and just stared at them. First I was in a pit of self loathing, but as I became used to my actual face, I discovered that in fact there were some new things I liked. I enjoyed that I wasn't blandly pretty, that my small nose curves under slightly and makes me look more adult than I thought and my eyes are really interesting. Oh, and my mouth is just hot.

So I graduated to posting pictures online, and over time they've ranged from incredibly flattering with makeup I spent ages on to bare faced and blotchy, as long as they reflect an aspect of me I don't give a crap. I get my husband to take full length pictures of my outfits and post them. I've even posted a selfie of me eating a giant ice cream which is a huge deal for a fatty.

I think my point is that my iphone and selfies really helped me discover how I really look and realise what my loved ones have been telling me for years. I look great.

So if you like posting selfies, post them. Take 100 till you find the right picture or snap one and shove it out there just 'cause you fancy it. Nobody else gets to decide why you're doing it and they don't get to say what impact (if any) it has on you.

Love and kisses,

H.

 

Bi visibility day

So, I had no idea that today was bi visibility day until I read this excellent post by stavvers

http://stavvers.wordpress.com/2013/09/23/bisexual-adventures-with-stavvers/

Although I try to keep up with all the awesome writings on sexuality/relationships/gender on the internets, I often find myself not actually saying anything myself as I'm acutely aware of my ignorance on most matters and would prefer to listen to others who know more. That's right, I'm a lurker, but not a creepy one (I hope!).

This time however I feel moved to speak up. I'm bisexual. I'm a 31 year old woman who is happily married to a man, and I'm bisexual. 

I first remember having stirrings of this on holiday with my folks at about 12 or 13. My brother and I would be allowed to stay up late and watch tv while giggling at the sounds of our parents having sex (and trying to be quiet) at the other end of the caravan. One evening we watched the film Heathers. Oh my giddy aunt, Christian Slater and Winona Ryder. Yup, that's the good stuff.

I remember also walking along the beach with my mum discussing homosexuality and that she wouldn't be surprised if my sister were gay. I asked about the possibility of my being gay and my mum answered with a laugh 'you're not gay!' That's all I remember, but it's pretty vivid up till then.

Now I have no idea why my wonderful left wing, feminist enlightened mother said this, or how she thought she could tell when I wasn't sure yet, but I really took it to heart. My mum was almost always right, so surely she was right about this? So I tried to forget it.

Didn't work.

A couple of years later I realised that I was definitely attracted to men and women, and by then I had a cool group of metaller friends that were more than happy to have a bi girl in their midst. So that was cool for a while. I had some boyfriends because I really didn't know how to get off with women, there was one gay pub in my hometown and I was too scared to go in.

When I was 18 I met a gay woman through a colleague and immediately fell for her. She had the best freckles. I couldn't stop thinking about her. 

After some very teenage 'my friend likes you' conversations, we got together and started dating. At first it was pretty good. Then she came up against the bi wall. She absolutely wouldn't believe that I was attracted to women as well as men. I had to constantly reassure her that I was turned on by, not her, but women in general, and when I had a laugh with a male friend at her flat, she completely freaked out and accused me of trying to get off with him. The relationship fell apart pretty quickly after that and left me with a sour taste in my mouth. 

I still got off with women sometimes, but I was even more scared now and afraid that maybe I wasn't bi and was leading them on.

In the fullness of time I moved to a city, met a lovely man and got married. And that was easy as I was basically now straight. 

But I'm not, I'm bi. I'm a timid, scared bi woman who was too afraid of judgment and mocking to completely express my sexuality. I love my husband, and I definitely played the field before him in terms of men so I have no regrets on that score, but while I'm happy with him, part of me can't help but wonder how many opportunities I missed.

My husband knows I'm bi, my siblings know (mum knows I had a relationship with a woman but not sure she considers me bi), most of my friends know. My in-laws don't as I don't want them to worry about our relationship. And that's the problem with people's perception of bisexuality.

A couple of weeks ago, an acquaintance who I've told I'm bi said to my face that they didn't believe bisexuality existed, it was just greed (oh, please). I was  gobsmacked, not just that it was said, but that it was said to my face. I managed to refute the argument, but it left me shaken and upset for days. That person would never dream of saying that to a gay person, so why is it ok to me? Is it because I'm married to a man so it isn't really part of me? Again, this is the problem.

So once again I'll say it, I'm bisexual. The older I get the more I know it and I don't need to have had dozens of, or indeed any, relationships with women to prove it. I am. Trust me. I would know. 

And if you're not sure, put on Heathers and watch me squirm...

Trying to forgive - hard week

I haven't blogged in simply ages! I've had a mega-busy summer and had a great time. I'm planning an über-post about it (with pictures!), but it may have to wait until we get a new computer as the old one got nicked. 

We got home from Towersey Village Festival on Tuesday utterly knackered, house a tip from the haphazard packing we'd done, got takeaway, had a few ciders as we had the next day off, then went to bed. Unfortunately, although we'd closed the living room window, we hadn't secured the latch properly. So in the night someone got in and nicked the laptop, the Xbox (with some games) and the kinect. Annoying. They didn't come upstairs though so no-one was hurt and I was inclined to feel as though they must have been desperate and only taken high value items that they could easily sell.

Then I discovered they'd taken the new watch my in-laws had given me for my birthday. Pretty upsetting, but understandable I suppose. However, my husband now can't find his wedding ring and we're worried they got that. Just to clarify, neither of us like wearing rings in hot weather and tend to take them off at home. But the ring cost all of £25 so I find it even more upsetting as it's worth nothing to them and everything to us. It looks like they got my favourite bag too, but again it only cost £12.

I suppose my point is that I hope it does them some good, and I hope they really needed the money. We'll claim on the   insurance (minus £200 excess) and get more stuff, but we won't be able to get that ring back. It's hard to forgive people when they've taken from you and of course we have reported it to the police who took fingerprints and everything, but we still have each other and our families so they have no power to really hurt us. I do struggle with these things though, and it's brought on a few really low moods, but I think that's underlined the fact that I need to get my arse in gear and sort out my spiritual life so that I have more resilience and inner reserves when stuff like this happens. 

More than anything else, I'm determined not to let it colour my view of humanity. People are sometimes desperate, especially in hard economic times.

One blessing in disguise, at least we won't have any distractions so will have to play more music! They didn't nick the instruments, even the valuable ones!

Love and kisses,

H.

Annoyed

FUCK THE PATRIARCHY

2-4-1

Hey, super tired so doing a quick 

The eagle eyed will spot that I missed yesterday. Thing is I had a horrible day at work, then just felt like coming home, drinking vodka and playing with makeup. So I did.

I did however forget to blog it. Soz!

So this evening the lovely Hugsand and I went to a pub to meet new rpg friends in Bristol who are looking to set up a Bristol convention. Exciting!

But first we had dinner in a lovely pub called Horts. I couldn't decide what to have so the Hugsand helped me with some severe menu-based concentration!

I had a burger, it was lush.

So that's me, glad it's the weekend, wee but tipsy. Huzzah!

Love and kisses,

H.

Ps, have you seen sprinkle of glitter yet? If not, GO NOW!!!

http://sprinkleofglitter.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/the-30-day-snap.html?m=1

Tiny feminist victory

So again I worked overtime and am stupidly tired today. Anyhoo, it's time for....

Hooray!

So I'm a pretty outspoken feminist, and it kind of gets me down that in my office a lot of people will dismiss what I'm saying as me 'being feminist' as if it wasn't the single most important principle in my life. I have to 'agree to disagree' with people who have't looked at the facts as much as I have and get quite cross with me when I tell them what the actual statistics are. So when my boss came in with magnetic letters for funsies (yeah ok, my office is pretty fun most of the time!) I knew just what to do...

 

Well, we soon had to clear the board for sensible work related stuff, so I moved my little sign to the window by my desk.

Over the last 2 days, some clever-dick has been messing with it. Yesterday I noticed it said 'psmash the matriarchy' with an upside-down 'w' as the m. Clever, right? So I changed it back and removed the w. 

Then today after lunch I spotted that it said 'spash the matriarchy'. Honestly? They're not even trying. So I paid a visit to my boss for a letter exchange and fixed it.

That's right. I got intersectional on their arse. Oh yeah. Of course now I have to explain what a kyriarchy is several times a day, but that should get me pretty comfortable explaining it which can only be a good thing.

In case you're wondering....

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyriarchy

So that's that fixed. I suppose it just bothers me that rather than engage me in conversation, someone thought they'd change it because 'it's just Helen being feminist' rather than the very least I can do in expressing my deeply held beliefs about some fundamental inequalities in our culture.

I remember someone being amazed I could argue about feminism when I was tired because they assumed it took a lot of energy. I tried to explain that actually it takes energy for me not to say something when people show prejudice and ignorance. To be clear, if I show either of those things I expect to be called out on them and I'm getting better at being gracious about it (humility is hard mind!). I was told by a colleague who met my family while we were all drunk (30th birthday) that we were all 'hard work' as we won't let this shit go. Frankly, I'd rather be hard work than betray my own principles.

Well that got serious didn't it? 

If the sign changes again I'll be sure to update you!

Love and kisses,

H.

Once again, many thanks to the stunning sprinkle of glitter who appears to be joining the ranks of the rainbow haired. Yes Louise.... JOIN US....

http://sprinkleofglitter.blogspot.co.uk/2013/06/30-day-snap-26-princess-bbq-and-pink.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+sprinkleOfGlitter+(***Sprinkle+of+Glitter***)&m=1